Camprunamuck

Seven years ago, I did not know you. Seven years ago, a mother gave birth to a son. Seven years ago choices were made that would change many people’s lives, their future, and how they became a Boden. This my friends is how I see it.
An 18 year old young woman, was pregnant. She found out a month or so earlier…She hadn’t had the best of support, no family the way we know family…she lived a life most of us will never know, or understand. Does this mean it is acceptable for the following stages of this story that happened? No. But, it is key to understanding it to the best of your capacities. We’re talking about a girl who sought after love and acceptance through that of a man’s company. We’re talking about a girl who knew right from wrong, but wrong helped what she knew was right to go away. Her drug of choice? Methamphetamine. It might be easy to blame her for her choices. It might help us to get through the confusion of it all, for it to make sense and make us feel better. But, if it’s confusing for us-Why wouldn’t we take a moment to try or attempt to understand the confusion for her? I do not condone; I do not accept; I do not for one moment think that this is okay-Don’t confuse empathy with acceptance.
I have now seen two young women, in similar situations of being raised in this way. Living place to place, homelessness, sexual abuse as a child (even by someone they were supposed to trust), physical abuse, survival, and yes compiled with poor choices of those around them to poor choices made by themselves; they have been where they were- and sometimes repetitively. Again, I do not condone; I do not accept; I do not for one moment think that this is okay. But, it is true. It has happened, and it continues to occur each day. I choose not to ignore it. I have chosen not to turn my back. I have chosen to make a difference in the only way that I can. Am I successful? Have I done what I intended to do? Am I committed to these children? The answer is, yes. At times it is beyond challenging, it is the most difficult thing I have had behind, and before me…Would I change any of it? That answer is, no. These children are the very being of me. Every day I feel truly blessed to have them in my life, and some day I can only hope that they feel from their entire being, the same way in their lives. To know that my love is true and always there for them, even when I’m no longer with them. If I have accomplished this, than I have done what I have set out to do, from the start.
This start I speak of today, the start of Damian Roy to Parker Lee is pretty phenomenal. He my friends has been a ‘scrapper’ since I’m most certain starting in the womb. He was born September 28, 2004. His mother started labor, in Lake County. She made the best choice that day, that decision was to go to the hospital. While at the hospital, the staff tried to stop the early labor. They were not successful. Another choice was made to airlift her to San Francisco, to UCSF for a higher level of care. There Damian Roy was born. He weighed a little less than two pounds. He was placed on all the appropriate machinery to help him with his fight, remember he was at one of the best places for this fight to take place. During this time his mother, was afraid, alone, and full of guilt. Here she just gave birth to a child, and he was struggling, because of her choices. I don’t know what that feels like, but at that moment, it must have felt awful. Her next choice was to leave. She left not long after the c-section, not long after he was hooked up to all of that scary equipment, not long after she had the realization that she had a lot to do with his challenges. He then was alone. He didn’t have his mother any longer. For two months he had a continual fight, and he won the hearts of the nurses for his victories. He required the ventilator less and less, and fluid iv’s, and was moved to a lower level of care, to Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital. During this transition time he was learning he was alone. He didn’t have a Mommy to snuggle with him, a Mommy or Daddy to comfort him when he cried and needed someone to love him through his nights and days. He learned that he could self comfort, and be quiet, and removed-and survive. His mother called to check on him, but never returned to do the very things for him, that she herself needed too. Her reasons why? They don’t belong to me to judge, or to decide why. I’m sure she lives daily with these decisions, for I am a mother too. I’m sure that if she hasn’t already continued to escape her world with meth, she chooses to limit herself to feel in any capacity she can. But, I feel for her. I am saddened for her losses, her pain.
I received a call from one of my social workers, who thought that this little boy needed me. What an honor that someone would think that someone could benefit from me and my love. I heard his story, and this kick started the gears of love with those words to my heart. I telephoned my husband at the time, and he was reluctant to move forward, and said to me, “I know how badly you want to do this, but…” By the time he got home, he said “Yes, but we’re going to have to see because I’m not sure about this.” The next day, I drove to Santa Rosa Memorial to pick him up. I got there early, followed the instructions, that I would meet a worker there, and they would instruct me further. I was nervous and excited. The worker arrived and brought me into the nursery. The nurses there checked me out, by giving me the up and down glare, glance over. I guess I passed. One nurse told me “This little guy is special.” I asked the worker, if I could unwrap him, and look at him. He was so tiny. He didn’t engage. He didn’t widen his eyes to the love that was seeping from me and splashing all over his being. His feet were huge compared to his body. His HEAD was huge compared to his body. She asked me if I wanted to pick him up. For the first time in my life, I was afraid to pick a baby up. I didn’t want to hurt him…I wanted to do the right thing for him. I picked him up, after asking if there was anything that I needed to know. They all smiled and told me, he’s perfect, you can pick him up just like any other baby. I did, and I was “In Love.” I needed to not another moment to decide anything else. How could I share how I felt with my husband, who didn’t seem to feel the same way? Well, he would when he saw him…I mean how could he not? I brought him home in a car seat, which he didn’t properly fit into; it was far too big and couldn’t reduce any smaller to fit him. I drove carefully and talked to him the whole way home. I stopped at my good friends the Backlin’s house on the way to pick up my munchkins they had been caring for, for me. Charlie Paul was the last one to meet him, he walked through the door and said to me “Where’s my brother?” He held him, and it all started in a forward motion from there, checking out his big feet, his legs, and making sure he was all there even if he were only right at the 4lb. mark. I think his head counted for half of his weight.
Everyone called him “Peanut”, and “P” for short. He was so tiny, I placed him in my tank top, shelf bra to carry around when I cooked or was around the house. The doctor told me that his attachment would start with skin to skin…he would wear a diaper and fit in the tank…content. He started to engage, and like the attention that he was receiving…what a splendorous sight to watch unfold-that of a family falling in love, as if love was something that had never happened for anyone before.

And then there was a Parker.

In starting out to write this, I was walking this morning after I had the request to have “store bought” cupcakes for school, and one single balloon rose high above his backpack on the way to school, and he was spindly, wiry, and goofy all the same…and my love continues to grow for this boy. I am always thankful for taking leaps forward and even when it is tough…Nothing can amount to the quantity of love that I carry in my soul for my family and friends and this day just marks the day that someone special came into this world…When Damian became Peanut…to a Parker, and I am grateful.
Happy Seven Years of Life to Parker Lee, store bought cupcakes and all~Keep on Fighting!
Love,
Mom
9/28/11

There are times in life where I stop in my own tracks, take a look in the review mirror only to gasp at where I’ve been, and how I’ve made it this far.

I think back to the time where some major changes occurred in my life; The first being moving away from “home.” This time in my life, I was ready to fly. Who isn’t ready to fly at 18? We all think we have wings made of titanium and that nobody can stop us from where we want to go. We’re so knowledgeable that we’re going to get where we’re headed with little to no problems. When trials and tribulations enter the equation is when the truth is revealed, and perhaps realize what are wings are really made of. (There might even be a need for the use of our feet at this point. Maybe some realization that one might need to wait to grow wings that will carry us through, not over, not under-but, through. I’ve found that it’s often been the wings grown through life’s experience that have carried me the furthest.) But, when I moved graduation night, to make sure that I was really leaving my little town where everybody knows me by name (good, bad, or otherwise), to take ‘flight’, little did I know what was really in store for me.

I left “Home” with the plan that I would become a teacher, I would play softball, and some day marry a man who loved me for me (good, bad, or otherwise). The struggles that followed were nearly always met with a “go get ‘em” attitude, shy, observant, kind, gentle, and if necessary the determination of the Taurus inside of me revealed itself… I attended school in search of the pre-determined goals I set for myself built upon dreams, while I attempted to achieve in addition the goals pre-determined by my parents. I found that this big world had some other plans layed out. I rolled with it, and found myself working two and a half jobs, holding 15 credits, and playing some softball from time to time. I definately got burned out quick, and was not willing to accept that I was struggling to breathe in each area of my life. Think about it, to smile, it is not necessary to breathe. (Try it.)

During this time, I met a young man who reminded me to breathe. He was risky, he was outrageous, he was one to make his own rules and follow them, he laughed. He was everything that I was not. This was an area in life I had not experienced before, and I took refuge in this new adventure. Funny to find refuge in someone who was so out of control, right? Well, I laughed. You breathe when you laugh. (Try it.) So, I breathed myself right into marriage, by the age of 20. Everyone questioned me about this union. I mean everyone. I didn’t question myself. I loved him, and “Love Conquers All”-So, I was good.

*To Be Continued

Last night Charlie Paul was joshing around with me about some singer who had a bland voice, that I listened to ‘all of the time’ in the 90′s, and he wanted me to remember who that might have been. Geesh! Let me see which singer that could have been.? I don’t listen to bland singers!
I racked my brain to find nothing…of the sort. So, to follow up this morning I received a text from him it read like this: “Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain, sometimes I cannot find a friend. But, I always knew that I’d see you again…that’s some of the lyrics. I think.” Well, he was sort of right…partially right?…James Taylor-You’ve Got A Friend. It’s a song that indeed I had listened repeatatively to when Rachael had been diagnosed with cancer and was hospitialized and throughout her battle. It was a song I had dedicated to she and I…that we’d always be there for one another-through it all, no matter what!

It makes me smile when I think of my times with her…She and I were so different and brought to the surface emotions, thoughts, and laughter…in one another EVERY SINGLE DAY! We talked about marriage, children, sex, movies,…What we’re going to do about this & that…Or tomorrow, or today…not so much about yesterday…unless it was necessary. We left absolutely NOTHING uncovered…no topic was taboo for Rachie-She would just blurt it out to get a reaction from me-laugh…and then we’d ‘get serious’. I literally talked to her almost every single day. She was the BEST mother ever! She was the BEST wife ever! Now, these bests didn’t come without her normal stubborn streak…But, that compassionate side of her…that wild side of her…that spontanteous streak that she had…She always brought me laughter (even at myself). Her cares were nothing but, that of making happiness for her children’s lives…and making a home for them. Oh…and those boys! Oh my Lord! If you can imagine Dennis the Menace, McCauley Caulken, and Tom Sawyer all wrapped up into the two oldest of the three lil boys…there you’d go…that would be Nick and Nolan. Then while we were pregnant at the same time, I with Lyndsee and she with Nevin…we checked in on one another with the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy…again…EVERY SINGLE DAY! She always threw questions out at me to shock me…and make me embarassed. Later on she would tell me that I was her emotion…that I cried for her…I was shocked for her. She adored her sister…they had more of a fire and ice relationship…But, funny thing was that they equally carried the load of the heat of their fires and coolness of the ice. You know that sort of thing where you throw out the “I’m the big sister” card and this is the way it’s going to go down…Or, “If you think I can’t do it-Well, I’m going to do it and do it well (insert the I’m gonna show you glance)”..it was definately a balance that only sisters can hold. I admired their sisterhood, and beauty through it all. Rachael was a truely incredible person in my life and the lives around her…So, yes when this time in my life filled with fear, the unknown, the dreaded cancer word, and pain that I had never felt before, in usual fashion-I listended to music-lyrics who would be able to speak to me…and I suppose console me, when I couldn’t find it any other place. An escape it provided me…and no judgement on what I was feeling or thinking, thank goodness. (I still resort to this form of relief-But, have someone in my life who takes the time to listen, love, lean on, and when I can’t breathe-breathes for me.) So, if I played that song, and many others over and over…Well, it became a healing for me. Rachael was a fighter, a trouble maker, a rock star, involved, patient, strong, and always one step ahead of everyone. I’m sure that many songs could cover her to me…an example of who she was is that following her first surgery, she was released from the hospital and I talked to her on the phone before she left. She told me that she was going to go home, and rest. I told her I’d talk to her the next day. So, I went about my day and there was a knock at the door. I opened it, and there was Rach. I was in the shock factor mode and disbelief-”WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” She smiled and said, “I wanted to see you.” She came in and sat down for a moment, then asked if I wanted to see her staples and scar. If anyone knows me, no I don’t. I can’t even take out a sliver of my children’s finger…I can’t remember how many stiches, or staples she had. But, she told me, I can’t believe you’re not strong enough to even look at them. Okay, fine, I will look at them…we went into my room and she first said to me, “When did you get a new bed?” I told her that it was a hand-me-down…She said with a smirk on her beautiful face, “It HAS MIRRORS!” “RACH! I can’t believe you just said that!” I replied with a red face. She followed up with, “I can’t wait for you to tell me all about those mirrors, now you need some on the ceiling and you’ll be set!” Oh gosh! Ok, now how about these staples and scar. She lifted her shirt and in typical reaction mode, that we were both used to, I cried. She told me to touch them. I said I couldn’t. She said “I didn’t ask you, I told you.” Then without hestitation, she grabbed my hand and placed it acrossed her tummy. It was really hard for me, it hurt me so badly, I wished I could take it all away for her. That we now could just move forward on healing and getting better. Back to being Best Friends…Back to being Mommy’s…how selfish of me, with tears streaming down my cheeks (like now), she said “What a way to go about getting a tummy tuck!” She smiled…I did too. I loved that in that girl! There was a time following that, when she had a game night at her house-following another surgery. She had a ‘new’ lady come to the event. She liked her, nobody else did. She made me feel like Rachael was a specatcle, something to gossip about when she met with the other mothers at school. To me Rachael was special, I didn’t like that feeling. As usual, Rach pushed the envelope. She took the temperature in the room, and knew that not everyone was feeling what she was about this chick. She pulled out her photo album of the first surgery. I went to the kitchen to do the dishes of the night. I could hear, Rach telling and retelling the stories (painful it was…I wanted it all to go away & this woman). Rachael called out to me. “Are you in there crying?” Damn it. “Yes.” She remarked, “That’s why I keep her around, she cries for me.”

Well, this was not intended to be a somber read, and if it becomes that for you-Remember that if anything that you take away from this is embrace the moments, you really don’t know how quickly it can be taken from you. You don’t know how fast the years go by. There’s not a day that I don’t think of her. And every time I hear “You’ve Got a Friend,” I think of so much goodness she brought to me and my family.

Rachael was more than many moments of time in my life…she continues to make me smile, laugh, and push myself…I’ve lost the time to make more memories-But, am strong in believing that what gifts of her heart and soul she game to me have and will continue to last a lifetime. She was someone whom I met, and I felt from the moment we first spoke, that she had been in my life forever. I guess that was the magic she possessed…the type of person she was to me…and why I love her so much. I miss Rachie and many a times wish that she were right here with me…talking on the phone, making me laugh, challenging me…But, you know what-I just might surprise her and make her laugh, challenge her, and be wild and crazy along with her…Now what would she think of that?

You may never believe this, but I’m listening to Pandora’s Box (Internet Music), I selected The Eagles as my ‘station’. You’ll never guess which song came on. Talk about emotion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today tell someone you haven’t in a long time…what they mean to you, and listen to the link below.

xoxoxo,
T

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU

As I sit and think of the thoughts that went through my brain the last 24 hours the most time spent was while I was walking. Last night I walked in torrential down pour and I thought about a number of things. I had just finished speaking with my brother on the phone, a bit earlier and he had mentioned to me that my Dad wasn’t doing so well in the health department. While I heard what he said, I can’t really tell you what I was feeling. Honestly, because I don’t know what I felt at that time in a word or two, or three or a million. I really wish I could put a finger on it and label it so that it is clear-But, the murky pond water that I was trying to look through wouldn’t allow me to do so…and I forgot my scuba mask, that would allow me to at least open my eyes through it all. It seems like each of us (my sister, my brother, and myself), are at different points of this process. The struggles that we each have with having some sort of relationship with my Dad is so different, yet the same. I have already been through the stages that my brother is going through and am at a different point of the parent to child relationship. What is my responsibility as a child, as a sibling, as a parent, and to this moment in time. What type of a person am I if I choose to live my life for myself? Selfish and Self Motivated. Some might call it self-preservation, or even egotistical. What type of a person am I if I choose to open the door a little? Guarded and Limited. What type of a person am I if I choose to fling the door open and embrace the person he is, instead of wallow in what he is not? Yes, I have a hard time with these words to follow. I suppose that what I am trying to teach and instill in my children, I need to find and reinvent in myself, this moment and the moments to follow with my Father.
I anticipate that this will not be an easy task for me. But, now is the time. Yes, there are tears welled up in my lower lids, and my stubborn determination to not cry-makes more tears. (I smile with that thought.) I know not many will understand, nor to I ask of you to do so…But, my children drive me to places I need to be…even upon their not knowing of this…They’re worth every single bit of this journey and what I put into it.
Oh, you wanted to know what else I thought of while walking and becoming a drenched street rat? I had my iPod headphones in and the song “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry came on, and I immediately I turned the volume up. I sang along and wondered if anyone would hear me singing? Obviously it didn’t seem to bother me, because I continued to sing-because the words spoke to me that strongly. I walked quite a distance, singing and singing, and singing….I thought, gosh this song is longer than I thought it was…I’m like almost two miles now…and it’s still on…and I’m still singing. Well, repeat happened to somehow be on, and what just might have been funnier than me singing aloud in the rain on Main Street…would have been that I stopped myself dead in my tracks from laughing so hard-at myself. I guess it’s the little things. Why the song being on repeat was so hilarious, I’m not certain…But, the fact that I just kept singing along, over and over, and over…seemed to strike my funny bone and stick there like rubber cement. Remember rubber cement? It was sticky and cool at the same time?..Or was that just me being a teenager? I remember it for some reason at the Junior High, I don’t really remember why we used it…Is it even made any more or are kids huffing it or whatever that is…I’m sure there’s something else out there that is more sticky, but definitely not as cool as rubber cement.
I continued to walk and listen to my music…it’s rare that I don’t have the music on while walking or running…it helps me keep my pace, and my mind going at the same time. The beat or rhythm is what dictates the pace itself. I’m guessing that I need to find some music with a similar sound, that lasts around an hour so that my routine doesn’t fluctuate very much. But, when Buble’, Nickelback, AD/DC, Norah Jones, Adele, The Black Eyed Peas, Chris Isaak, Daughtry, Gretchen Wilson, Louis Armstrong, and so on are blaring through the earbuds, I just sing along and change the pace. Sometimes a song will come on and it reminds me of times of growing up, or a specific moment in time, or feeds a dream I have this day, or helps me to reminisce in times past…Music is a powerful drug. I’m an addict.
When I got home, I watched I Am Sam. A movie I hadn’t seen since it came out. I can say it is a strikingly powerful movie about love. The theme around the entire film was that of love, and defining it. With Michele Pfifer who was struggling with the definition of the word itself to apply in her own life, to displaying it effectively for this father who could be portrayed as not fit-by being his lawyer-representing and presenting his love through the court system. His simple ways of displaying it showed through from the beginning to the end of the flick. I love how his daughter, played by Dakota Fanning was able to feel, see, know, believe, understand, and live that love-which was given by her father. The others in the film who surrounded these characters portrayed life in the fast lane, with blinders on, with closed eyes, hearts, and fists…Sad to me that we as a society can get wrapped up in this way of life and believe in those ‘things’, rather than embrace the good in people, and human nature. I’m not saying don’t be aware…I’m not saying walk around in a fairy tale world…I’m saying actually look at the goodness-and if you don’t see it…find it.

I too shall find it.

I wish this day will bring to each one of you the sweet tenderness of a loved one, the words “I love you” spoken to you, and the warmth of human nature as you walk the streets…find it in your heart, your brain, or even on your iPod. It’s there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EROTbDCr5ag

You know the wine crush? William and Parker are in the dog and cat food containers/bins that hold the large quantity of food for the animals…(No, I’m not going to take a picture of it…It disgusts me somehow…)As they’re in the containers-they’re doing the stomp, stomp, stomp of the kibbles and bits…and I must say having the time of their lives. They’re communicating in a way that I can’t label. It’s verbal, it’s shrill, it’s filled with excitement, it’s just them having a blast and a half being boys! I’m telling you…these two are something else!

..And more boy stuff
• ….piles of debris swept up from the floor-Is actually used as kacheshhhhhh dump truck/excavator material. (Yeah, this Mommy not only knows her heavy equip…but, her dinosaurs too! I’ve been a boys Mommy for a looooong time almost 14 years!)
Yah, I’m sure that I’ll add more…these boys are just bringing more to the top of the surface of this ole’ brain…like soda pop bubbles.

Okay, my peeps…Yes, I WAS up to the buttcrack…of the night wee hours. So, I was dreading the morning…and here it is and it’s not all that bad. I’ve been up since six am…and well, nothing to report. Yes, a bit sluggish-But, all is crackalackin’ sugar smacks! Oh, no I didn’t have Sugar Smacks (never did like that type of cereal…Do they still make it?) I’ve actually had Honey Nut Cherrios is more like it.
The kids are all decked to the hilt with their new duds. Kimmie thinks she’s been on the runway or something. She’s serenading the entire house…with not many fans in the house. Wait. Okay, I’m the only fan. The rest of the house isn’t . They’re telling her to be quiet-But, not so nicely…as I just stated. Lyndsee’s color coordinated…and stylin’ in her…cute lil’ capri jeans…and she doo dadded up her hair…Charlie Paul’s all busted out in his…um, long shorts….and some sort of skull type tshirt….and the lil’ boys…are still snoozin.
Now, it’s my turn…I’m gonna be such a girl! I gotsa new pair a shoes baaaaby! I love them! But, I’m not gonna wear them today…Cause they don’t go with my cutsie woootsie….clothes! I got myself an early bday present…well, a few…I think I’m in love.

Well, today my birthday falls on Mothers Day. It does often enough…that the celebration is a combo…But, long before I shared this day with the title of being a Mommy, I already shared this day.
I was six years old when my sister was born on my birthday. At the time, I didn’t understand much of the meaning of it all…Life, Sisters, or Birthdays for that matter…Of course I didn’t I was six years old. Well, I remember when my Mom went into the hospital…I stayed with my Grandma McLeod at her house in Santa Rosa. My Dad was at the hospital, my Aunt went…and a few days later…My Mom and sister came home. But, before they came home, my Dad brought me to the brand new Marriots Great America. I went on all of the rides except the Tidal Wave…I had a blast! When we were on the way home from that day of just me and my Dad….we stopped at Toys R US. I got to pick something out from there and I chose a hippity hop with a Mickey Mouse head for the handle. I can honestly say that WAS the best day EVER with my Dad. I can not remember another day…that he spent the entire day with me…and actually spent it with me; making me feel special to him. That was thirty years ago today. Sap numero uno done. Sap numbero two: When Bridgette came home. I remember posing for pictures…she was so pretty. From the first time I saw her. She had this incredible hair…and the most beautiful skin! She had pouty lips that only a baby could make, and the most adorable face. I have always teased that on my sixth birthday I wanted to send her back…but, they wouldn’t take the return. But, in reality I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Even today she’s one of the most beautiful women I know. We have our times…cause well, remember when I said I didn’t understand life, sisters, or birthdays? Well, as I’m getting it all down…I still sometimes don’t understand. Sap Code Three: Mothers Day. I became a mother in 93…as I’ve always said…You may say you understand…that kind of love…but, until you’re there you really don’t…honestly. But, with each of my children…the incredible amount of love…that I hold dearly in my heart for them….Is So HUGE…I can’t fathom it! It’s a quantity that holds no barriers of measure! I just finished telling their stories to them of their births…their coming into my life…how they became my babies…They always love those stories…and now have started to say their own punch lines!

• To fill the tank $100.00
Mocha Mint Snuggler + 2 Hot Chocolates $ 6.25
Cup of Java Once I’m there…$1.75
Loading the Trampoline….$Brut Strength
Lunch/Picnic Items….$37.68
For entry tickets Shrek 3…..$37.00
For snacks for 5 kids…$34.25
Watching the faces of your smiling, laughing children while getting glared at by the surrounding spectators…As the boys give play by play…remarks to the show at hand…Priceless….

You could see their faces lit up by the screen…and their faces were so sweet…It made those piercing glares at me not so hard to take…

The way it worked out tonight is that Lyndsee, Parker and I were able to go and view Charlie Paul’s art project @ school tonight. We attended the showing while our artist stayed home with Kimmie and Will. (Seemed wrong…But, it worked out to everyone’s advantage.) It was a time well spent with Lyndsee and Parker…and time that I encountered one of his teachers…who spoke freely about him…Yes, all positive. How he’s a leader…Everyone’s drawn to him…He has a way about him…The way he speaks…He’s a tender heart with a passion for life…Wow! What words to hear labeled/attached to an almost 14 year old young man…It’s so nice to hear…from someone who’s experienced him for a short period of time…to have that impression made upon his educational force..They think the “world” of him…That just makes a Mommy…Gleem from the inside..and smile…Speaking of smiles…As we left the event this evening…We were walking back to the car (I like to call it a car…But, you all know it’s so not a car…anyhow-) Parky desperately wanted to be carried…and I thought that I would like for him to walk and hold my hand (an issue he doesn’t put up much of a fight over…If it were Will the sinker….He’d fight it…and somehow convince me to carry him…and I’d walk like a sidewinder-building up my right arm muscle…thinking I should use my left…oh yah-) Um, so Parky was walking and we were all chattin’ away…Lyndsee was curious of my male suitors at her age…wondering if anyone liked me at “her” age…Did I think “anyone” was cute…I told her about this boy that I liked…and wouldn’t tell a single soul…I had a major crush on him forEVER…and told her the reasons that I “liked” him…and she giggled…But, as the wind blew…we heard a faint…but, recognisable voice…and turned to see our little Parky Poo…struggling with the wind and his walk…It was as if…he were a million miles away with his volume of voice…and he was walking in one place…with his hair straight back…like the Professor in Back to the Future…and his arms were stretched out…and if he had a sweatshirt…on he’d of been a goner for sure…At least he’d of lifted off of the ground and took flight…only to be found days later…in another county. Lyndsee and I in sync laughed together…it was a good laugh…Her smile was so preciously endearing…I wonder often…Do they see in my eyes the love I have for them…Do they feel it…I think that they do…But, still I question-You know I do…I’m TC…that’s my specialty! Questions…then the evaluation of the answer.
By the WAY…RAIN? What the? I will think of it as a cleansing rain…to make it easier for Friday’s event. I’m going to be a strong ass on Friday…Wish me luck and much love….XOXO